How To Divorce

If things just aren't working out with your spouse, and you've really tried to make the marriage better, but to no avail, then it's probably for the best that you get divorced. If you have children, staying together just for their sake is probably a mistake.

It's unhealthy for them to be around an troubled relationship, especially if there is a lot of arguing. It's best to admit that the marriage is not working out as expected for either of you and that you are better off going your separate ways.

It may be possible to end up being friends with your former spouse. If you have children, you will need to have some contact, and if you can make the relationship amicable, then it will be less stressful for them. You may find that once you have some distance from your partner, that ironically your relationship will improve. Just try not to burn that bridge permanently, and be open to a friendship in the future.

Once you are sure you want a divorce, you will have to tell your partner. When breaking the news, try to be gentle, and explain why you want the divorce and why you think it is for the best. If there has been a history of abuse, break the news in a public place to be safe. There is a good chance your partner will object to your decision, but if you are certain that the marriage has failed and can't be repaired, you need to stand your ground. Your partner may try to charm you and win you back, but if they are temporarily nicer than normal, it's probably a short term thing. Just remember that they are likely to return to their previous patterns that you found intolerable once they think they've got you back.

To initiate a divorce, one partner has to file a complaint at the local courthouse. A divorce can be either Fault or No Fault. In the former, the divorce is due to a specific reason such as adultery. In the latter, it is for less specific reasons such as incompatibility. The next step is to hire a lawyer. If you feel comfortable representing yourself, a lawyer may not be necessary, but for most people, a lawyer is strongly advised.

If you file for a divorce but then are able to reconcile your differences, make sure to request a dismissal of the action. If you fail to do so, your spouse could request a final judgment behind your back.

Although you may want to get a divorce over with as quickly as possible, avoid "quickie" divorces out of state or out of country. These divorces may be a lot faster, but they may not be recognized, which could create a lot of headaches down the road.

It's best not to be greedy when seeking child support, alimony, or division of assets. Arguing about petty things like that will only make the proceedings drag on a lot longer than necessary. You should ask for fair levels of compensation even though it may be legally possible to get half of your partner's assets. If you have children it is definitely in their best interest to make the proceedings as quick and painless as possible, with minimal conflict.

You will have to explain to your children exactly what is happening and why. When saying these things, you probably don't want to say a lot of negative things about your partner (unless your children are better off being distanced from your partner). Even then, you should be very careful about how you describe the issues to your children, and remember that they are probably equally loyal to your partner.

If you can remain calm, cool and collected during what is an extremely stressful situation for most, then you have won the battle. If you feel you can't cope with the stress, then it may be a good idea to talk to friends and family members, or perhaps even a professional. Something close to 50% of marriages end in divorce, so just keep in mind that many people go through this difficult process and go on to enjoy life afterwards. You need to be resilient and strong, and remain civil for the sake of you, your partner (no matter how much animosity you may feel towards him or her at the moment) and most importantly, your children.